Peas

Headache
Knots in the stomach, not altogether unpleasant
Just inconvenient
Extended groan.
Walk into a corner and tell yourself NO!
Don't do it.
Then walk out of the corner
And go and do it anyway
Can't control it.
Huge green peas!
Shiny too!
Get out of my head.

-

All right, so here's how it goes:

You're just sort of sitting there, and then you see this person, and then you're like...

Jesus.

And then suddenly green is your favorite color, all you want is some coffee, a good time, music, go to a breezy place and hang off a cliff.
See this person and suddenly your mind commits suicide and your stomach decides to eat itself.
See this person and suddenly it's never the same.
Look at old pictures of yourself and wonder, "Where did that girl go?"

Can't decide to follow person the person around, or just to fade into the background and TRY TRY TRY to forget. Can't do that, you tell yourself very sternly. You are going to make yourself be good.
But then you can't do it and it all comes crashing around your ankles!
Next time you are going to say something clever and memorable, right? No. Don't try. It's just like Jesse says. Don't kill it if you haven't killed it already. Don't try.

And then all you can think is fuck I screwed us all over.